ooo
episode 13
Hello and welcome back to aridotcom, the world’s best newsletter which I’m pleased to report will henceforth only occasionally include news!
Reason a: I’ve found employment which involves news
Reason b: there’s only so much news I can handle
Reason c: please find the news I am involved with via my Instagram stories once I commence [you’ll know]
this week
This week I’m ooo which is a peppy acronym for out of office for those blessed souls unfamiliar with the luscious minutiae of office jargon. As this email finds you I’m probably on my way to Meredith Music Festival, or maybe I’m already there… Spooky!
This email finds ME excited and a little bit stressed. I used to laugh at the perverse cultish fervour the words “Meredith” and “music festival” provoked in some of my peers. I knew if I criticised the fawning infatuation the festival garnered from 28-45 year olds too loudly I’d get put in stocks in the centre of Edi while osteopaths and creative agency employees lobbed bottles of craft beer and $17 dips from Piedes at my head, or worse, kicked out of the inner north. And listen: Until last year, I’d never been there before, I’ve only ever known like 10 people from vastly disparate vibes who attend and frankly it just seemed like elder millennial Mecca. But while hating was fun for a time … friends … I love the festival.
I love the festival! Largely helping the case is the sad tragedy that has befallen our independent music festivals. All gone. We must preserve what we have left. And, largely helping the case is the fact that at Meredith last year, my grand cherry pop, I found love. Inextricable from the sup’s sodden slope are memories of giddy obsession, blooming excitement, the stomach flips and sweaty pits of falling in love ON SIGHT. It’s true!!!! It happened to ME!!!!
It’s December 2023. I arrive at Meredith late, driving up alone after work. I’d received a last-minute media ticket, and was to share the tent of my beauty bestie Aleks. I don’t know anyone else going… Aleks is camping with her friends but her new ~~thing~~ is also there, camping with his friends.
I arrive… skip skip skip we’re on the dance floor. We’re with Aleks and her MAN, and some of his friends. Aleks turns to me: “omg Ari, you have to meet MAN’s friend. He is EXACTLY your type.” Interesting! I actually wasn’t all that interested because a friend can assume your type based off anything. Like, my type? Yes SHOW ME MY TYPE? I don’t have a type, they just have to be tall and good looking for their age??? Skip skip skip we’re still on the dance floor and Aleks says “omg Ari meet FUTURE BOYFRIEND OF THE NEWSLETTER” [not doxxing him today, not here]. I turn around and look up into the face of the most beautiful man I have EVER SEEN in my ENTIRE LIFE. Buzz cut… 6’7”… too-small tee… Fitzroy Pool blue eyes… It isn’t all about looks but let’s be honest… my TYPE. Also, his eyes were alive in a way I’d never seen in a man… it was like there were… Thoughts behind there. Crazy, I know.
I was gagged, immediately. I’m extremely shy around people I am attracted to and as a rule I just can’t do mind-blowingly beautiful people. When they’re too hot? Ignore forever. I will never speak a word to you. But then, as I’m gazing up at this gorgeous hunk he squeals “omg I know you!!! I follow you on Instagram”.
Now, this could have been a severe ick, but as I mentioned, he was extremely hot. A fan... this changed things. The earth shook as the power dynamic FLIPPED. Never in my life have I been so grateful for an enormous digital footprint. Fresh confidence coursed through my bones. We did know one another, when we were like 12 we’d done this program at the Collingwood Children’s Farm where you did farm work in exchange for horse riding lessons and he’d remembered me from that. Said I’d “bullied him”. I still don’t remember him from that time but regardless! To cut an embarrassing story short: I have no game, he was very scared of me, the best flirting I could muster was annoying him, asking for a lighter, offering amyl, following him around the dance floor like a little dog, asking him on a date as the sun came up on Sunday. Rest is history. So you see, this Meredith is our one year anniversary. It HAPPENED TO ME! Thank god for wonderful friends, and thank god for Meredith.
review
For his birthday my bf received a $200 Lucas Group voucher. Our plan was to pick the most expensive venue, but frankly Society looks like utter shit. Why do rich people want to eat in a yassified porno set? Those black enamel tables… the casino lighting fixtures. Be so for real PLEASE. Anyway, Kisumé had availability and is actually incredibly expensive. We didn’t opt for the $265pp situation upstairs, but did opt for the $165pp 5-course chef’s selection downstairs. A nice Italian Chardonnay added $135 to the tab and our gluttonous asses added a $29.50 serve of salmon sashimi.
The chef’s selection began with kingfish sashimi. The fish was fresh and firm and sublime but the sauce? Truffled soy and shio kombu... Evilly good. We were dipping our fingers in that lucifer’s nectar, daring one another to drink it off the plate. I wish we had, the lust was so perverted I would’ve soaked a napkin in it to suck on.
The salmon sashimi was exquisite, I don’t know what was in the sauce but each sliver was topped with my favourite egg, ikura… nature’s boba. Thick, velvet sheets of fatty freshness. I think the way I describe food is actually kind of gross but there are only so many times you can say “yummy”.
“Assorted Sushi” should have been called LIFE CHANGING PLATTER. The best nigiri I have experienced in my life. The salmon and ikura boat… a turk-ducken-style-serve-the-animal-with-it’s-own-byproducts-BASTARDRY … the horror crowned with gold leaf … was of course my favourite. I left it til last and cried when the last bite passed my lips.
The chicken [3], scotch fillet [4] and dessert [5] were delicious. Overall, while the vibe was first date with an avid LinkedIn user or 50th wedding anniversary, the lighting was moody downstairs, lending the focus to the unsettlingly quiet open kitchen. Loved sitting at the bar, and it actually felt quite chic, probably just because I couldn’t see any of the other patrons and their ugly open-toed shoes aesthetic, which as we know is Real Rich People shit.
The total was about $530 for two which isn’t bad at all, considering I left feeling it was worth the price, and that literally never happens. If you absolutely must go to a Lucas Group venue, I highly recommend!
Tiktok failed to load.Enable 3rd party cookies or use another browser
Ok thanks so much for reading aridotcom !!!!!!!!!!! Sorry it’s short. Maybe I’ll do some news next time, I think I ought to as it can’t just be the 24/7 Ari Show, I only have so many stories. But let’s see how we feel next week, yeah? As aforementioned, this week I’m ooooooooooooooo
If you like this please leave me a comment and if you don’t like this please leave me a comment <3 <3 <3 share this newsletter with five friends for a reward <3